Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
