i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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