I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
