Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Randomize
