I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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