Im at strip club and am horny
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
