I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
