FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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