Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
