At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
