I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
