Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
