did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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