Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
