We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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