I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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