I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
