oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
