Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
