oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
