Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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