she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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