he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
