I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
