I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
