Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
