i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
