sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
