matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
