I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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