T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
