is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
