I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
