hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
