he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
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