How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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