Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
