That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
