STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
