my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
