did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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