help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
