Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
