We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
