i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
