you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
