He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
