am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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