fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
