I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
