its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
