I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
