He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
