Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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