i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
