..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
