sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
