3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
