Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize