i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Randomize
