He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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