omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
