Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I could make wine with my vomit
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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