I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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