I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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