This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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