my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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