My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
