Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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