you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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